So, I don’t like Mother’s Day. In fact, I don’t like many holidays at all. Most of them feel like a manipulative waste of time and resources. And this past Sunday, on Mother’s Day, I was thinking about my general distaste for celebrations, holidays and the like. I loathe Valentines Day. The fourth of July makes me want to puke. Easter bugs me. Don’t make a big deal out of my birthday. I like Christmas, as long as there is not too much of a commercial focus. Thanksgiving is the one holiday I love, but hey…STUFFING….Wow, I’m a negative person.
Why? What’s wrong with me? Is anything wrong with me?
I came to the conclusion that holidays hold a ton of bad memories for me. Not bad childhood memories, most of those are wonderful, cherished even. No, I’m talking about my married life. It feels like every holiday for the nearly 20 years of my marriage was celebrated the way he wanted to celebrate them. We did what he wanted. It didn’t matter whether or not I enjoyed it. It didn’t matter whether or not I wanted to spend that much money. It didn’t even matter whether or not it caused me fear. (After all, so many thoughts or emotions I had throughout those 20 years were “stupid” why should he be concerned with them?)
And don’t get me started on the frustrations regarding my mom and her expectations of me for holidays… It feels like we are miles apart when it comes to our feelings about celebrations.
I am holding on to a great deal of anger and resentment. I’ve been divorced for almost 10 years now. This is ridiculous! I’m letting this take away joy and meaning from my life. Why am I giving him that kind of power?
And why can’t I stand up to my mom? Should I stand up to my mom? How important is that, given the probable short time I’ve got left with her?
Here is my solution:
- Determine for myself what each holiday means to me and how I’d like to celebrate it in the future
- Promise myself that going forward I will not allow anyone to assign their meaning to a day or event for me
- Respect others’ views and feelings when it comes to what they are comfortable with when it comes to celebrations and holidays. Holidays are highly emotional for some people. Some have expectations, traditions or ideas very different from my own. How can I honor my own feelings and theirs as well? I know I won’t demand that my children celebrate the same way I do. And that I won’t try to make them feel guilty when they have a different viewpoint or idea.
- Work toward letting this anger, resentment and negativity go. It serves no one. It makes nothing better. I can’t afford to feed it anymore.
